I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
