You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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