We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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