Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
