The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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