Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
