Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
