4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
