I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
