respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
