I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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