Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize