it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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