I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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