Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
