I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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