He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
