He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize