I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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