sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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