I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
