Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize