I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
