That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize