I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
