I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
