How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize