you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
