Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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