Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
