you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize