it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
