my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
