Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
