i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you didnt know i had herpes?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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