Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
