the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
