There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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