It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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