I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
