Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
