So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
