cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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