I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my sisters under your porch take her home
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
