I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
