Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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