i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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