erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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