You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
