I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
