I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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