My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
