does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
