I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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