One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
