what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
