I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
