my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
