Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
