how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
