hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
