he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize