dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
