So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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