New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize