You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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