I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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