I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
