just come out here and I will go home with you...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just google imaged poop.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
