Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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