It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize