I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
