My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
