Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
