I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize