Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
