did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
