I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize