you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
