I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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