My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize