i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
