4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
