fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
wanna go halves on a baby?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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