he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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