You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
