i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
