She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Randomize
