We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
