Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
