It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
