I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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