I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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