oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
