please come you make the beer taste better
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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