I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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