how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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