I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
