i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just found puke in my bra..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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