This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
