I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
