Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
