Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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