I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
