So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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