Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
