i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
