so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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