But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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