I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
