Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
