she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
