You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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